3 Buses, 90 minutes, and a bunch of pissed off people
Edit: accidently posted my draft filled with typos. i suck. oh well
Well its been awhile since my last post. Doug got a car, so no more daily commute for me. Plus my weekend and owl trips have been pretty tame. I’ve really just haven’t had much to write about. Thankfully this weekend the MUNI gods blessed me with a journey of epic proportions. There were transfers, retransfers, break downs, screaming matches, reinforced stereotypes, pedophiles, missed stops…it was glorious. Basically everything a MUNI ride should be, so long as you are a story-starved pseudo blogger and not someone trying to get someplace in a safe, reliable, and convenient way.
It all started innocently enough. I just wanted to get from 24th and mission up to Van Ness and Green to meet some friends and watch the final four. Luckily MUNI in their infinite wisdom have placed a line that goes directly from my point A to point B. Of course the line in question is the always entertaining 49. I mean its only supposed to take 33 minutes, no problem. So I sit back, relax and watch two 14 buses go by before the 49 rolls on up.
Of course the double length bus is standing room only on a Saturday afternoon. This was to be expected as it’s pretty standard for any bus going up the Mission corridor on a weekend afternoon. I shuffle my way towards the back. Next stop we get the obligatory shouting from the driver “move to the back” which is good because people are stupid and don’t really get the concept on their own. Next stop, same verse “move to the back” along back comes a noticeably intoxicated/high/crazy/whatever man who is quite large. A smallish hipster guy is shuffling behind him as the bus lurches forward. Apparently the hipster kid got too close or stepped on his foot or whatever, so this guy turns around and gives the kid a full on shove to the chest. Four minutes in and we have some physical violence, fuck yeah. Hipster kid averts eyes and avoids further confrontation.
At this point drunk mexican man makes his way back towards me. Sweet. The only thing between me and him is three teenage asian girls hello kitty gear and all. The drunk guy proceeds to inch closer to one of the girls and start whispering something to her. She inches away, he keeps coming, whispers incomprehensively and giggles to himself, reaches up and touches her shoulder and whispers something else, she inches further away and talks shit in japanese to her friends. He doesn’t really get the picture as they keep creeping away until their stop comes a moment later. Violent pedophiles a great way to start any MUNI trip.
At this point I score a seat woo hoo. By the way the bus is creeping along amazingly slowly. Mission is a slow street in a car its is even slower in a bus that stops every fucking block. MUNI please for the love of god take out every other stop. I will trade walking a single block for getting down Mission twice as fast. Same goes for the 27 up leavenworth. I know I am not the only one thinking this.
Soon after I scored a seat an older lady started moving toward the back. I gave my seat to her and resumed the stand. Her septuagenarian friend was not so lucky. Apparently the FUBU wearing kid next to me didn’t feel the need to get up to let her sit down. Why are people such piles? We stop at 16th and there is the usual flood of people on the back doors. MUNI should issue cattle prods to upstanding MUNI riders like myself so we can guard the back doors and teach etiquette and morals shock therapy style.
We get past 14th and I know things are going to start looking up. Once you get past market the bus usually clears out a bit and things start cruising along. Wrong, wrong, wrong. We approach a group of guys working on the overhead line who yell out stop to the bus driver who dutifully obeys. There we sit dead in the water. The bus is still packed and it’s getting very hot. Of course the driver provided zero explanation for what is happening. We sit 5 then 10 minutes, still zero movement and just as much explanation from the driver. People are getting stir crazy. Door shaking is starting. Finally a mexican guy yells out “fucking sheet lady drive dee fucking bus, sheet man less go, what dee fuck” the accent was an amazing touch, reminded me of a certain Adam Sandler skit from my youth. Though, I have to admit I agreed fully with him. After close to 15 minutes a 49 pull sup by us. People literally are shaking the doors screaming at the bus driver who as of yet has not given us the green light to get off the bus. She puts open the door screaming at us as we go “remember I told you not to get off my damn bus…”
I say fuck it and walk a block or two beating the bus up to Market where I decide to get on now that I have had a little fresh air. I hop on to the now absolutely packed bus. One 49 on a Saturday afternoon, two busses worth of people on one bus is a joke. As I step up I am greeted by the cheery words “this bus is only going to Post street, Post last stop”. Oh MUNI you devious fiend. So away we go and travel another 10 blocks where he dumps us out to fend for ourselves yet again. “Another bus is right behind me” are his cheery parting words. “This is fucking bullsheet man…fucking complete bullsheet…are you stupeed…what dee fucks goings on…how many fucking buses we need to take” are the partying words of the mexican man to the driver. Once again I completely agree. Him and the bus driver have a brief screaming match before the bus drivers wanders off to the MUNI black hole. So we wait two buses worth of people waiting to get onto yet another bus.
Up comes another 49 a few minutes later. The bus proceeds to blow by us without starting. A near riot ensues as people go chasing after the bus screaming. The bus stops half way up the block as we go chasing it up the hill. We get there and who opens the door but the driver from my first bus. Of course, who else would it be? She greets us as the previous driver left us with obscenity. One we inquire why she didn’t stop for us she says “I told you not to get off my damn bus; the man said stop so I stopped the bus I told you not get off my damn bus…now don’t give me no lip”.
This is all well and good and at least make some sense to the people who were on her bus. The people who were on the other bus have very little idea what she’s talking about, the tourists who just happened to be trying to catch the 49 when she rolled up have absolutely no idea what the driver is talking about. This bit of higher level thinking is a bit advanced for a driver apparently. Also how amazing is it to have a job where you get to cuss at your customers. Man that would be fun. Somehow I don’t think my boss would go for it though. They should list it as a benefit on MUNI job descriptions: health care, dental, paid vacation, freedom to berate customers with impunity.
At this point I consider walking/taking a cab/shooting myself/shooting her/ and finally decide to just ride this wave of MUNI joy to natural completion, which I do without further incident.
Total travel time: 1.5 hours
Time exceeding 511 estimate: 1 hour
Average speed: 2.1 mile per hour
Not bad MUNI. Not bad.
April 4th, 2006 at 8:34 pm
DAMN!
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April 5th, 2006 at 2:31 am
I love this fucking site. It is brilliant. BTW i live on the 27 line (leavenworth), i walk twice as fast as the 27 especially in the rain.
I’m looking into making some Anti-Muni tshirts….concept is a Bus with a Not in Service sign blowing by a group of people at a stop. If anyone has a good photo to start off with, much appreciated!
April 5th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Instead of waiting for the 49, you can take the 14 to Mission and VanNess then transfer to the 47 or 49, whichever comes first. Or buy a bike.
April 6th, 2006 at 12:26 pm
Completely agree with everything you say, especially the point about stopping at every blocks. Really, why does a bus need to stop every 40 feet? Can’t people just walk one block over if it means the trip will go twice as fast? That’s some serious bullshit that the bus has top stop every 40 feet, there’s no reason for it at all
April 14th, 2006 at 11:04 am
Dude, you’ve got an awesome blog! Please post more! Your ride was so teh suX0r.
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